So disappointed…

Is basically what I have to keep telling myself to ward off all the horrible disappointment I have brewing inside me.

I have not written here in forever, granted I’ve had a lot going on, but still.

I haven’t even read anything other than recreational reads lately.

Needless to say, I’m so disappointed in myself.  I’m trying to pull out of this funk, but how?

I have no idea.

My Key?

It seems forever ago I wrote in here, but I suppose it wasn’t THAT long ago.  Honestly, I haven’t been feeling very much in the writing mood lately.  I even stopped reading books on writing for awhile.  I felt overloaded, and still do.  It’s funny, because the last time I wrote in the blog was either the day of, or the day after I had a glass or two of wine.  I had vowed to limit my drinking, and I have, but tonight I decided it had been long enough and relax for a few hours with some red.  Now here I am.  Writing.

Coincidence?  Don’t know, but it sure is interesting.

Maybe the wine does help me to unlock my unconscious, relax, let my guard down to let others in.

Maybe that’s why so many writers drink.

It makes it easier.

I definitely don’t want to make a habit of drinking just to write, that’s for sure.  Not a very good one to get into.  The rain recordings help a lot, but I want more.  Who doesn’t?

Walking into a bookstore tears me in two.  I’m torn because I love it, yet I can’t stand to see the sight of so many books that don’t bear my name.  Depressing to say it gently.

What a mindfuck.  This writing business.

Sounds of Nature

I’ve always loved rainy days.  The sound of every single droplet hitting the roof and pavement, and the gushing as it flows from the gutters to the grass is calming and in a way, seductive.  My mind transforms from a crazy, go, go, go mentality to one that is at ease.  The grayness of the day makes me happy, and I dread the end every second it continues.

My mind seems to become activated when it rains, and writing comes so much easier.  So, instead of waiting around, and watching the weather channel religiously I decided to take matters in my own hands and create what I need to reach the state of mind my hand needs to move on the pages.

I bought some rain.

Not literally of course, but the sound of it, and added it to my Zune for easy access.  I tried it today and had quite a bit of success in getting some things down.  Discovered an idea that I actually want to dive deeper into and develop further, and I’ve NEVER had that happen before.  It’s almost as if the rain helps my mind see things much clearer, and more detail-oriented.  The focus I need is there.  It’s FANTASTIC.  I couldn’t be more thrilled.  Why I have never done this before baffles me!  But I’m glad I thought of it now.

The one thing that worries me is that I will become numb to the sound and it won’t work anymore and I’ll have to find another trigger to reach the mindset my writing needs.  I really hope that doesn’t happen!

Off to do some research and read for the night…

Page Fright

I am completely suffering from ‘page fright’.  Every time I sit down to write, I become frozen and unable to move my hand.  Then I pick up a book about writing, which in turn leads me to think that I am procrastinating, and using these ‘writing’ books as a crutch and an excuse not to write.  Reading about writing is NOT the same thing as actually writing.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  That maybe I’m not a writer and it’s just something I shouldn’t be pursuing or wasting my time.

My first prompt…I was unable to think of anything.  Nothing came to me.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.

However, I have also come to realize, through these books, that I am not the only one that is dealing with this.  It’s not me.  It’s every writer, or want-to-be writer.  It’s something that every person who writes struggles with.  Even those who have already been successful at finishing a project and getting recognition deal with ‘page fright’ at one stage or another.  It’s just a matter of getting to know your boundaries, what kinds of things that are restricting your muse, and finding out more about yourself and your writing style.  It’s so important to get to know yourself as a writer, and the only way to do that is to write.  It’s disgusting.  No wonder some writers are a little nutty because I’m starting be (not that I wasn’t a little before :) ).

Now that I have come to terms with the idea that it’s not just me, and that it’s everyone who faces the blank page, it’s time to put it behind me and focus on meeting some of the goals I have set for myself.

GO ME!

Newspapers

Somewhere I heard, or learned that to gather ideas for writing (other than prompts) is to collect newspapers and cut out articles that make an impression on you or mean something to you.  I’ve been doing this for awhile, not lately since I haven’t been purchasing them, but am thinking about starting again (not to mention I need to start cutting coupons).  I have a stack of them now that I need to go through and cut out articles sitting under my coffee table.  That will probably be my goal for tomorrow, and Sunday will be to start purchasing a newspaper.

The articles I have cut in the past I have been storing in a binder and have had plans for a long time to get a large notebook to paste them into.  The funny thing is that I HAVE a notebook that would be perfect for it.  Why I am just starting to do this now, I have no idea, but the matter that is most important is that I AM starting to do it, and WILL be doing it.  I feel guilty for writing about doing it, and then not actually doing it.  It’s like I would be lying to you, and I can’t live with that.

This blog is kicking my ass in gear.  I recommend that if you are having trouble getting your writing career jumpstarted, start a blog.  Seriously, I have never been more serious in my life about writing since I have started this blog.  Just do it and see what happens.  You may just be suprised.

Do you guys do something like this too?  Do you use newspapers, or have another method of gathering ideas?  Please do share!

Photo by wili_hybrid

Post-it Digital Notes

I’ve had this software for a long time on my computer, but have never really utilized it to full potential until lately.  My entire desktop is almost half full of various sizes of these little electronic sticky notes!  I’m not sure what I did before I started using this program.  I have one for recipes I come across on the web, one for research items, another for ‘stuff to do’, and one for random thoughts from the day.  Whenever I discover a little gem on my desktop it goes.  It’s beginning to eliminate the amount of paper clutter I have lying around.  It’s great!

It’s really helped to encourage me to write down my thoughts, ideas, and the research that needs done throughout the day, everyday.  Another great thing I like, even though it’s rather small and more of a personal preference, is that you can edit the font to cross things off the list which helps me to mentally show all the things I have done throughout the day and gotten accomplished.  It’s a great moral booster, not to mention, great for the environment!

GO, GO POST-IT DIGI NOTES!

I’m not sure they have the FREE-FREE version anymore, but they do have a FREE trial version available.  I currently have the Post-it Software Notes Lite, but on the list you can select from appears to only be upgrades.  I definetly recommend that you guys check it out (if you haven’t already) and see how much it improves your daily thought processes, organizes your life, and helps with the writer in you.  You can find the software at download.com HERE.

Photo by net_efekt

Guilty

One day.  That’s all it takes for me to feel guilty for not posting here.  I must be serious.  I’ve been reading a lot more lately, for both pleasure and educational purposes, and I’ve definitely noticed some changes in my attitude towards my ability to write.  Instead of pretending, I’m actually DOING and it feels good.

I’m almost finished with The Courage To Write by Ralph Keyes, notes and all and I’m contemplating what to start next.  I don’t know if I should start with another educational book, upgrade to an idea book, or maybe try and do one of each.  I think I may try one of each, see how that works out.  Looking at the list now, I’m feeling On Becoming a Novelist and Pencil Dancing will help to get things moving along more quickly.

Today my main focus is to finish my book, finish taking some notes, and then reflect on what I’ve taken away from it.  What can I use to my advantage?  What should I be doing that I’m not?  Etc.  I’m going to try and distract myself away from my other blogs today, and spend some time on this one for awhile.  I’m glad I started this blog!

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

The Tag-Along

I always think, hear, or see something that I want, need, or should write down for later, so today I picked out one of my jobless, wordless notebooks that I’ve been collecting for such a purpose.  Finally, I’ll have something on hand, and always with me when I have such urges on the road.

I’ve done this exercise previously (yeeears ago), I found a little notebook filled with little one-word sentences, small paragraphs, words, and any other thoughts that came to my head.  I flipped through it today, and you know what, some of it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

So I’m going to try and do this again to get the juices flowing and mental images brewing.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

Off to try and finish some of my reading I’ve been putting off.  Blogs are starting to take over my life!

Morning of Wine-Induced Cloudiness

Ug.  Why does wine have to taste so good?  Good enough to drink a whole bottle by yourself for the evening??  I wake up and immediately head to the kitchen faucet, stick my head under and attempt to quench my seemingly never-ending thirst and dehydration, while filled with regret.  I can’t drink fast enough.

My head is throbbing angrily, pissed off.  My stomach can’t decide whether or not it should make me pay for drowning it repeatedly the night before.  Bile keeps creeping up in the back of my throat.  And damn the weatherman too.  All week the predicted forcast has been rain, clouds, and more rain, but today of all days, a blinding inferno that irritates every inch of my hangover.

Damn fermented grapes.

Until the body catches back up and the agony ends…

Meet the Dust-Collectors

Today I said I was going to pull out all my books that I’ve been collecting over the years, put together a list, and pick one out that I can begin to focus on.  If there is any of you guys out there who have read a book that has helped you, that I have yet to discover, PLEASE SHARE!!

Here is the list…

Books on Advice: 

• The Idiots Guide to Getting Published.  I have yet to even open this one.  I’m pretty sure that I picked this up at a book sale hosted by the Humane Society where I used to work.  It probably cost me a dollar or two.
• Teach Yourself:  Writing a Novel.  I noticed some highlighting in this one, so it’s obvious that I’ve attempted to read it, but I remember nothing so it’s probably been a few years.
• On Becoming a Novelist.  I also, apparently, have read through this book because there is highlighting almost to the very end, but again, I remember nothing.  Maybe I have some notes on my computer or notebook somewhere???
• The Courage to Write:  How Writers Transcend Fear.  This one has yellow about halfway through.  I’ve heard/read that this one is supposed to be pretty good.  Has anybody read it?
• If You Want to Write:  A Book about Art, Independence, and Spirit.  I’ve placed a bookmark on the first chapter.  That’s about as far as I got in this one.
• Making a Literary Life.  I HAVE read this one, and I LOVED it.  I will probably read it again.

Books on Dreams:

• Dream Dictionary.  I’ve used this one quite a few times, and it’s come in pretty handy when I have strange dreams and want a meaning.  Hopefully, this one will help me to gather some ideas.
• Creative Dreaming.  To help me pull out the creative side in me, in my unconscious.  I’ve read a little bit, but has never been finished it.
• The Dream Encyclopedia.  This one appears to be brand new.  haha.

Books on Ideas:

• Pencil Dancing:  New Ways to Free Your Creative Spirit.  I’ve read this one all the way through, but it was a LOOONG time ago.  I even have written down all of the exercises at the end of all the chapters in a notebook thinking that it maybe it would finally get me started.  Nope.  It’s sitting in my writing binder.
• The Artist’s Way:  A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.  I definitely haven’t used this one to it’s full potential.  It’s a good one.
• The Writer’s Idea Book.  I have flipped through this one.  It still looks like I just picked it up off the shelf at Borders.  It looks so nice I’m afraid to ruin it by opening it!  Is there something wrong with me?!
• Idea Catcher:  An Inspiring Journal for Writers.  This was the very FIRST book I purchased on writing.  I actually wrote two stories in it.  That’s it.  That had to be almost 15 years ago.  Geez.
• The Creativity Guide:  A Year’s Worth of Inspiration and Guidance.  I’ve read a couple days worth, and attempted to do some of the exercises, but I haven’t opened it in a few years.  I liked this one, it has a LOT of cool ideas on how to unleash creativity.  Good book.
• The Pocket Muse.  A cute, little book that is FULL of prompts and ideas.  The title says it all.

Books on Personalities:

• Astrology and Your Past Lives.  I found this one at that book sale that the Humane Society held.  I’ve never read it.  I hope it helps me to develop some good character personalities.
• The Wisdom of the Enneagram:  The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritial Growth for the Nine Personality Types.  This is a really good book.  It’s been awhile since I’ve read and used it.  I mainly bought it to find out more about myself and my friends, but I think it will come in handy when creating some interesting and memorable characters.

Books on Technical:

• The Oxford Essential Guide to Critical Writing.  For all the technical stuff.  I will definitely need to keep this one close!
• Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary & Thesaurus.  Obviously this is a MUST-HAVE.

I have more than I thought I did.  I have A LOT of reading to do!

So what do you guys think about my list of collector’s items?  Is there anything that I’m missing that is an essential?  Any others out there I should add?  Or should I just start working with what I have?  The latter is probably a good idea.

I think I’ll start with The Courage to Write by Ralph Keyes.  It looks a great place to begin.  Read and maybe take some notes.  Time to grab a highlighter and get to it I guess.  No better time than NOW, right?!